phoenix wright and the terrible horrible no good very bad day
by xIrelandx
Summary: Prompted in my askbox by my tumblr spouse Shane with the words "hobopollo" and "flowers." Rated for swearing.


Most days were pretty great. Phoenix wasn't going to lie - he was really, really lucky. The luckiest goddamn sonofabitch he knew. He did not take that for granted. He knew, maybe better than anyone, how suddenly and drastically things could turn. He tried to have a plan prepared for everything, but there simply was no planning for this.

Phoenix was furious. He didn't get angry often, but this - this was fucking ridiculous. This should not have happened. Sherri was a friend of his, so he'd agreed to represent her in court. He just needed a little money while Athena was off gallivanting in Europe and Apollo was taking time off to take care of the broken heart he insisted he didn't have, and this was a simple arraignment. But she knew good and well she shouldn't have shown up to court drunk. Even if that hadn't been the very same offense with which she was charged.

Phoenix wiped his hands off on the flimsy remaining paper towel and threw is stubbornly to the ground. Well, at least he tried to throw it. He had to cover his face with one hand, tugging on his hair to take out his frustration. He didn't want to head up into the apartment just yet. He had to sit down, and he couldn't very well sit down inside as he was now. Which was to say, covered in piss.

He still couldn't believe it. Sherri had peed on him. Had shown up drunk to court, climbed up him, and peed all over him. His suit was nasty, putrid, totally uncomfortable. Her screams were still echoing in his head - "Don't let them take me, Nicky!" she'd shouted between hiccups. Her husband stood behind the bench, blushing and shaking his head. They were both alcoholics, so he probably should have expected something like this. But that was no excuse! She was going into court for drunk driving charges. He'd told her not to show up to court drunk. Edgeworth told her not to turn up to court drunk, for crissake. That dumb fucking bi-

"Nick?" Phoenix looked up and immediately wished he could sink into the pavement. How embarrassing.

"Hey, Apollo." Was it just his imagination, or did Apollo look a little brighter and sharper today? His suit seemed recently tailored and washed. The attorney's badge reflected the light of the sun, shining in Phoenix's already agitated eyes. He'd be annoyed if Apollo didn't look so damn excited and hopeful. A few of the top buttons of his shirt were open. Phoenix tried not to think about it.

"What're you doing out here? I thought you had a case this morning?" Phoenix glowered reflexively. Apollo raised a hand in surrender. "Jesus, nevermind -"

"No -" Phoenix rubbed his temples. "Sorry, I just -" he pushed himself up from the curb. Apollo offered a hand to help Phoenix steady himself, but Nick waved it away. Apollo looked hurt. "You probably don't want to touch me right now."

"Okay?"

"Let's just -" Phoenix peeled his suit jacket off, holding out from his body with his thumb and forefinger.

Apollo clapped a hand over his mouth. "Oh my God. What is -" His eyes widened in horror as Phoenix wrung the jacket out.

Phoenix's glare was back. "I'm going inside to take a shower. You might wanna wait a bit for the smell to die off." Apollo ignored him, following the older man back up to the office-slash-apartment. He even ran ahead of his boss to unlock and open the door for him, guiltily looking away as he continued to cover his mouth and nose with a free hand.

"So w- whaaa -" Apollo hadn't been expecting Nick to start stripping off the rest of his clothes the minute the door was clothes. He was blushing and blinking and the stuttering would have been really cute (and possibly alluring) had Phoenix been divulging his clothes for any other reason than this. Apollo coughed and tried to look anywhere else. "What, uhm, what happened?"

Phoenix didn't close the bathroom door, opting instead to yell to Apollo from the shower. "You know that case I had today, that simple representation thing for a friend of mine?"

He could hear Apollo opening and closing cupboards and drawers. There was silence for a moment, so Apollo could reply. "Yeah, the uh - the drunk driving thing, right?"

"Yeah," Phoenix closed his eyes and rested his head against the tile of the shower. "She peed on me."

The silence was absolute now.

"Apollo?"

"She… I'm sorry, she what?"

"I think you heard me, Apollo."

"I don't know that I did." Phoenix grumbled to himself and turned the water to its hottest setting. It was only once he felt the top layer of his skin peel away from the intense heat that Phoenix turned off the water and wrapped his abdomen with a towel. His hair was deflated, falling in thick strands around his eyes. It would be back to normal once it dried. Whenever that would be.

There was a clean set of clothes set on the sink. He smiled to himself - Apollo must have put them there. That, or his clothes learned how to fold themselves. Phoenix ignored them, heading out into the kitchen to talk to Apollo.

"Are you feeling -" Apollo colored up again, turning his head.

Phoenix laughed. "You're so cute when you blush." He kissed Apollo's forehead. "Which is all the time, really."

"Shut up." Apollo leaned into him, but tried to keep himself from touching too much of his bare skin.

There was a pause. "Are you serious, though? Did she really pee on you?"

Phoenix groaned. "Please, Polly. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to burn my clothes and pretend like today never happened."

"Oh, that's too bad," Apollo said shyly. He was rubbing the back of his head now. "I guess I should get rid of the flowers, then."

"Oh, yeah." Phoenix looked to the kitchen table and back to Apollo. The dozen roses Apollo had in his hand when he'd run into Phoenix were now in plastic pitcher, serving as a vase. "I meant to ask, what're the flowers for?"

Apollo gave him a blank stare. "Uh…" He backed up a bit, just out of Nick's grasp. "That's, uhm, it's not important."

One of Phoenix's eyebrows arched. "It isn't." Apollo squeaked. "You know, roses are really expensive. I somehow doubt you bought a dozen of them just to spruce up the place." He knew what the deal was now, but that didn't mean he couldn't tease the kid…

"It's, uhm." Apollo swallowed. Phoenix watched his Adam's apple bob. "It's our…anniversary?"

"Oh," Phoenix rolled his eyes to the ceiling, mocking forgetfulness. "Is it really? Huh."

Apollo's nails dug into the wet flesh of his stomach. "You're such an ass, Phoenix Wright." Phoenix laughed in response, leaning in to kiss Apollo before he could snark at Phoenix anymore. He pulled Apollo close to his chest and heard the man groan. "You're getting my vest all wet."

"I hope that's not all I'm getting wet." Apollo gasped, indignant, and Phoenix took the opportunity to stick his tongue in the younger's mouth. He ran his hands through Apollo's hair, breaking the gel down. Apollo wiggled, now that Phoenix had him cornered against the couch. Phoenix pushed him onto the arm of the couch, running his fingers down Apollo's back -

"Hey Polly, did you - Ack!" Apollo fell back onto the bed of the couch when Phoenix pulled away to look at his daughter. Her back was now turned to them, burrowing herself into a corner. "Daddy, please! These are office hours! I could have been anybody!"


End file.
